You’ve got to feel more little Michael, ain’t ya? No-one loves him anymore and these days he has to make eyes at the likes of Everton and Villa in the hope they’ll give him a little kiss and cuddle and maybe a contract.

Back in the day, everyone fancied Mickey. He was a pint-sized love machine who could go to any nightspot and have his pick of the clubs but now he’s like some sad, overweight 40-something letching over the young girls. It ain’t a pretty sight.

That brochure ‘his people’ sent out was the football equivalent of pimping.

Now, if the Boy Wonder would just accept he’s lost his looks a bit and hasn’t got the pulling power of old it wouldn’t be embarrassing. He could find himself a nice, safe club he could settle down with. It wouldn’t be as pretty as Liverpool or Madrid but at least he’d be happy.

We all get old. We all get less attractive. Mrs Terrace reminds me everyday that I’ve let myself go but she’s still with me. Little Mickey’s loved and lost but it’s time for him to forget about looks and start focusing on personality.